Friday, May 14, 2010

On the lighter side

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


As to whether these are all really true or not, DigTriad contacted UPS to ask. "We were surprised by the answer. Even UPS doesn't know if it's Fact or Fiction. The spokesperson did tell us, even UPS employees find it entertaining, but the one thing they do not joke about is safety. The company has not been able to verify the authenticity of the notes."

13 comments:

Lisa said...

lol! I like it! :D

Leah said...

:) Love it!

Daniel said...

True or not, those are hilarious! Those solutions sound like something I or my brothers might come up with (probably yours too, from what I know of them... :).

Anonymous said...

Oh my! LOL!!!!!!! Thanks for posting this, it gave me a good laugh!

Clara said...

Haha!! These are great! I think I've read them before a few years ago on one of those email forwards that goes around and back... But even reading them again they still gave me a good laugh!! :)

Erin said...

That is so funny! Do you mind if I post it on my blog?

Lily said...

HAHAHA lol! That's hilarious. :D

~The Mangos~ said...

LOL!!!

Do you mind if I post it on my blog too?

Anonymous said...

I can't say if it is true or not. I worked over 30 years in the avionics industry, including customer service on failed equipment.

As they say, safety was a serious issue, so it seems unlikely much of this would go on, though who knows? I am not one with room to talk.

I worked in the 70's on one of the first modestly priced area navigation computers for private air craft. An old high school friend from the late 50's, Betsy, was technician on the same box. I stopped and visited her for an hour or two during my last visit to the States in October last. She does look older than she did in 1956 or so, but still witty and the same dry sense of humor as always.

When the Analog to digital converter board failed on a returned box, I would note on the paperwork, Routed to GOB, which I assume everyone can tell at a glance means Good Ole' Betsy, right? :)

Instead of the more formal Routed to A7 A/D board test station.

GOB kept telling me, "They are going to get you for this, you wait and see."

After some months, some guy came out of the office, and said the customer wanted to know what GOB was. I told him, and he was gone like a gunshot, didn't even say thanks.

GOB told me, "I told you they'd get you for this."

Well, maybe, but I didn't change and they never ordered me to stop.

Anonymous age 68

Abigail said...

I've read this before and it is indeed hilarious, whether true or not!

Charity U said...

Oh my. That actually made me laugh out loud, and although I grin at many things, not a lot of them make me actually laugh. Especially the cat and mouse one. And how that one thing didn't work when it was off. (-;

Anonymous said...

Wow! That's quite an accomplishment for a major airline!
That is completely hilarious! I have to tell my brothers! :D Thanks for the funny post:D

~ An Indiana Aquaintance:)

Our Army of Six said...

I agree, true or not, those were very funny. I caught myself laughing outloud at a few :)